arrive safely..=)

Author: ctjuliana / Labels:

28th July 2009, Tuesday, 1015pm, klia

may you arrive safely, amin.

~ Listening to '1234' plain white T's ~

if only..

Author: ctjuliana / Labels:

Last nite i watched this old romantic movie..
a movie called "If Only" which was released in 2004..Played by Jennifer love Hewit as Samantha, a happy go lucky Musician in London and Paul Nicholls as Ian, a very busy obsessive businessman.

The story is about days in the life of Samantha and her boyfriend, Ian, in which Samantha feels tat Ian takes her for granted making Samantha feels to be ignored and less important in Ian's life..Samantha who seems to want nothing from his boyfriend except to love him, and be loved in return..until at one nite they had a big fight and almost broke up, it was a nite where Samantha is hit by a car in front of Ian while she was in a taxi.

Its only then that Ian realizes what he had, for what has his girlfriend did to him,
for him to be lucky to have a girlfriend like Samantha..and how he realized tat he had been taking Samantha for granted..but, ofcos its too late for him to realize. Luckily, surprisingly, when Ian wakes up the next morning, Samantha is alive again..Thats when he realizes that all of that was a dream.

Strange is, the day is like a repetition to him.
He knows about the day's upcoming events!! As the day proceeds, everything that happened in his dream actually happens for real. He realized tat he was given a second chance to correct his mistakes.

He changed!! He changed!!

He takes good care of Samantha…
he shows his love to Samantha…shows it by doing things that she always wanted and appreciated…He is scared, really scared deep within, that Samantha is going to die today. He tries so hard to save Samantha's life from being hit by a car, but fate will be not denied.. Its even more surprise to see how Ian try to fight destiny and how the story ends..

(unpredictable ending woo)

Credit to my friends Assila and farah lena for this great movie u all recommend.. :)

I dedicate this movie to my friend, ana!! she wanted to see this movie so much..
i make a copy for u..till to see u soon ana!

My fav dialogues from the movie:

Samantha : Ian, I know you have the best intentions, but I feel like I’m a really high second priority to you. That hurts. And the worst part is I’m starting to get used to it.

Ian : I don’t understand.

Samantha : I know. That’s what kills me.
If there had just been one day Ian, one day where nothing else matters but us.

Ian : I adore you.

Samantha : I don’t want to be adored, I want to be loved.

~Listening to 'release me', Agnes ~


Author: ctjuliana / Labels: ,


i enjoyed myself so much
it has been so long never feels dis way

i went for a walk today
by myself and to somewhere i familiar with
it was fun!!
fun to let my mind relax and wander
as i walking along the pavement,
i noticed the way im breathing is so different!!
haha...dont noe why..
but i enjoyed breathing dis evening!!
it was a deep and relaxing breathe!!

I can feel the inspired air
which composed of oxygen travels
tru my trachea n directly into my lungs..
few seconds, i feel my chest expands,
my whole tummy and chest are filling with air.
I can imagine how the air components
goes into my blood circulation
to nourish all my cells that make up my body.

i feel so alive!!

As i inhaling, there must be an exhaling oso..
so that all unwanted stuffs
like carbon dioxide being expelled from my body..
i slowly letting the air out again,
to give my whole self an energy boost!!
i enjoy breathing dis evening!!

i realized tat i have forgotten on how to take a deep breathe..
as i used to do previously..
i let myself to be in the continuous stress condition which
caused my breathing becomes shallow and less able to nourish my all cells
leading to even more, and more stress!!

So dear friends,
spend at least a few minutes today sitting in a comfortable position
and be attentive to ur breathe..
lets to have a very deep and relaxing breathing from now onwards..

So "rindu" our time..
With you guys,
to have an early morning / evening exercise
we walk, we jog, we laugh..
and der was a time where..
we did "poco-poco"
i was so terrible in doing tat!!
till now, still "keras" doing all the steps..
waaa, rindu KTSN and titiwangsa so much!!

~listening to "breathing", lifehouse~


Author: ctjuliana / Labels:

A Moonlike Person

You hide your emotion sometimes . You are a moon type of person. You tend to be the quiet type or in contrast, you are not happy but sometimes you act it out in order for you to not burden your friends with your problems.

You've faced some problems in your life. Your heart has been dealt blows before . You tend to think about things a lot more than other people, and you may get annoyed with people who act out without thinking about consequences.

You are also the type of person that others
often come to with their problems because you've been through plenty, and you are very understanding.

you sometimes feel lonely, your demeanor is usually chill, and relaxed. You usually are logical, and rely a lot on facts and information on decisions. You often keep things to yourself.

This is just one side of you, and you have different faces in different situations and environments, just like the moon has phases.

jus a piece of facebook's quizes tat reflected me :)

~ Listening to selalu mengalah, seventeen~

kisah buku dan jam.. =D

Author: ctjuliana / Labels:

day 4 post O&G posting
still, tak start revision pon
konon2, berangan nak wat revision on O&G
seems i didnt finished stdying O&G..

walaupon senipis buku DUMEX..
quiet blurr la nak gune buku ape..
buku Dumex best, but too simple..
ten teachers? kdg2 bergune, kdg2 rse mcm ayat die je yg berjele..
ilustrated best..bnyk kdg2 info die sket plak..
(bnyk cekadak btol la minah nih)..hakhak..

" Jue, ko suggest aku beli buku ilustrated O&G ke ten teachers?"
sms dari ain..

actually kan ain, aku pon x sure which book suitable for me..hehe
but i do prefer to use ilustrated..simple and easy to understand compared to ten teachers..berjele je klo ilustrated x ckop info, then only bru aku bukak ten teachers..Dumex pon best sbb buku tuh straight to the point and simple..lg sng nk fhm, tp ade certain tajok yg x complete..sbb too simple..

hurm, pape pon..
survey dulu buku2 yg sesuai..
baru beli..

tp nanti,
bile masok posting..ade je buku2 yg kawan2 rekemen..
11 teachers page laa..seniors notes laa..macam2..
aku pon siap fotostat, tp 1 je la yg dr di atas..
tuh pon x terbace..


Semalam aku pegi kedai jam
nk repair jam
then, mse tggu org tukang jam tuh repair
ade 1 customer ni tego aku

"saye pelek la, knape ade org yg suke pakai jam belah tangan kanan?"

"adek ni kidal ke?"

aku pon senyum je..(malas nk jawab..sbenanyer aku pon xtaw nk jwb ape..)

"sejak bile pkai jam kat tangan kanan?"

"dari kecik ke?"

""hmmm..bnyak ckp la org nieh""bisik ku dalam hati..

"ha ah, dari kecik..mmg pkai jam kat tangan kanan"

"kidal ke?"


"owhh,,,bukan ape, mcm pelek kalau pkai jam kat tangan kanan nieh"

"owhhh...." malas nk jawab!!!!!!

eleh...sibuk je org tuh..suke hati aku laaa nk pkai kat belah mne pon..
kiri ke, kanan ke, kat kaki ke, kat leher ke..
len dari len sket kan?? haha

pelek sangat ke pkai jam belah tangan kanan nieh???
tak kann..hehe

just before sleep...

Author: ctjuliana / Labels: ,

In the quiet stillness of early morning
When everyone has all gone to bed
a quiet ringing goes through my ears
and through my head

I listen with my heart
and strain to feel your spirit
in my dim surroundings
I close my eyes and hear it

I feel you calling
an uspoken invitation
I wish that it were true
and more than my imagination

But in the early morning hours
I close my eyes and feel
and strain and imagine
that you are real

and in this lost moment
When my thoughts tend to wander
its you I long for
and you I ponder

where are you?

~ © James T. Adair ~

untukMu O&G..

Author: ctjuliana / Labels: ,

jeng jeng jeng
ape ini? ini adalah enema!! welcome to Obstetric and Gynecology kengkawan surgery!!.. =)) (cantek kan enema ni)..


sekarang ni aku rse amat2 la lega.. "thank Allah, i finished my O&G posting!!" Setelah 8 minggu, macam2 aku belaja..macam2 yang terjadi, n macam2 la perkara baru yang sgt "menarik" yg membuka seluas2 nye mate aku nih tentang medicine..nmpk best je jadi Dr. ni..title tuh sgt Indah..tapi.."fuhhhhhhhhh",, realitinyer taklah seindah name..bak org kate indah kabar dari, aku rse mcm nk share ngn kekawan psl O&G posting,nnti klo korg msok posting ni xdela blurr sgt nnti.. =) okey, mule2 nk cite psl ward.. kat hukm ni ade 4 ward O&G, RED ward, GREEN ward, YELLOW ward and ORANGE ward..

RED ward
= grand ward round hari2, n u expected to be der except when ade lecture ONLY..

GREEN ward
= grand ward round twice a week, on Monday( ussually registra present case, tp korg wajib bersedia, prof bole pnggel student present anytime lorhh) and Thursday (student day!! korg kne present~)..aku ward hijau, so, melalu pengalaman aku, grand ward round start dalam pkol 8 pg and habes dlm pkol 11!!!! 1st n 2nd week O&G kat ward hijau, tulang2 korg akan trase mule LONGGAR..semua tulang bulang korg rse nk tercabut~ (DEAL with it)

= grand ward round ari jumaat, korg kene present laa..ward ni pon bole tahan..NONSENSE and PURENONSENSE selalu kedengaran..beware~haha

= grand ward round pun hari jumaat, tp wpon prof and doctor kat wad oren baek2, korg kne prepare jugak taw!! tp selalunye, wad oren doctor2 sgt baek, korg kne marah pon mcm x kne marah je..presentation korg pon doctor suro summarise, x yah pnjg2 berjela mcm kat ward Hijau..

Setiap wad ade schedule dorg masing, contohnye untuk hari Operation theatre (OT), Clinic, Scan clinic, and Medical Asisted Conception (MAC) clinic. Aku wad hijau, so aku cite ntok wad hijau je yeh,,ward lelaen aku x aref laa..ok untuk ward hijau..mcm yg ckp td, ari isnin ngan khames korg ade grand ward round, ari selase nye pulak korg kene msok Operation theatre, ari rabu nye korg kne berada di clinic, and hari jumaat ibarat hari cuti untuk ward korg encourage to be at MAC.. 1st day posting nanti, korg akan ade briefing y di beri kan oleh ketua modul..seorg prof dr ward kuning.."bley tahan" jugak la garang die..huuhuu..mase ni korg akan di berikan jadual posting..mule2 aku dpt jadual tuh, agk ssh la nk digest n faham sbbnye..korg akan ade so many table schedule ntok 8 mnggu..korg akan ade:

- Lectures ( jgn prcye sgt jdual lecture..sbb sentiase berubah2, di pospone, di combine smpai 3, 4 tajok sekali gus)..lg 1, tlg la bace seket sebelom msok lec..nnti korg kne attck tp tu smue bergantung kpd siapa yg kasi lecture laa..

- Tutorial : mcm biase korg kne betol2 bace tntg tajok yg berkenaan or else..korg dapat "nonsense, nonsense nonsense, purenonsense, brainless, anecephaly" sia sia, be prepared b4 u get atacked and fired~

: ape itu CWR?? Consultant Ward Round (CWR), mcm grand ward round jugak tp dlm kelompok yg kecik2 yang terdiri drpd kumpulan dari setiap ward O&G..

: pulak Specialist Ward Round (SWR) . lebeyh kurg same mcm CWR je..ala2 bed site teaching ade gk prof yang prefer buat kat dalam bilik die je..

: workshop ni more to practical session, korg akan buat Sutures on kit..Enjoy gile belaja one thing i noticed laa..budak2 twinning lebeyh mngetahui bnyk bnde psl sutures..bdak2 ukm plak "BLURR" gile..(in fact kitorg x pnh blaja teori pon psl sutures dan alatan2 nyer)..huhu..Practice wat delivery kat patung pon ade, tp lambat..aku da conduct 3 deliveries da pon, then baru ade delivery practical..(pelek gile!!..tapela, Prof n Dr busy..)

: korg rajen2 la pegi clinic..attach kat supervisor atau registra korg..banyak bende korg bole blaja provided korg da bace psl physical examination untuk Obstetric dan Gynecology..barula senang nk approach Doctor..they will impress towards you..Ofcos dorg akan aja korg tp mse dorg aja tu, dorg tend to ask question..klo korg jawab dgn tepat, lg la bersmngat Doctor nk aja n lg la bnyk info yg die bagi nnti..lg 1, kat Clinic la korg bole PALPATE perot dengan banyaknye!! korg bole tgk VE jugak time ni..klo korg bernaseb baek, pap smear pon bole tgk taw!! Nurse2 kat clinic baek2 belaka..dont worry, differently dari nurse2 kat ward >.< style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">PENTING
ni..ade dalam log book! selain tu jugak, korg bole improve presentation..

: pon best jugak!! stress free je time OT..sangat enjoy bile tgk surgeon2 wat operation..klo korg dapat 1 prof ni kan..die suke ajak student die assist mse die wat caesarian operation..Make sure korg pg tgk OT ntok Obs and gyne ye..
  • Caesarian section 1 jam je..TAHBSO plh kurg pon 3, 4 jek..ERPOC 15 minit jek!!hehe..
huishh, pnjg melebar aku tulis yeh?? bnyk lg long the way, korg akan encounter jugak..maybe differently from what i have wrote.. haaa. ni dia...jom kite cite perihal die "labour room" plak.. =)) Korg, korg kne wat deliveries cpt2..nk buat 5 observe and 5 conduct mmg agk imposible sbb nyer..jumlah pelajar da bertambah ramai..sekali oncall 7 - 8 org..ade 2 shift, 7 pg sampai 7 mlm..and dr 7 mlm smpai 7 pg.. (psl shift ni, depends kepade ketue posting korg la die nk wat cm ne)..jadi, ape yg aku nk ckp..korg wat 3 je observe tp make sure korg bace psl labour ang handling delivery punye tajok..MIDWIVES and DOCTOR suke tnyer soklan2 nih to make sure u are ready for conducting..make sure korg taw psl instruments in delivery set jugak..supaye x tersalah step mse conducting delivery..

LABOUR ROOM..thing to for you to KNOW :
  • Labour - definition, mechanisms
  • CCT - Cord Control Traction (the signs of) - selalu ditnyer semase korg conduct
  • Instruments in delivery set n each use for wut..
  • Semua pasal handling deliveries
  • count contraction (sgt pntg!! anda akan diuji oleh midwive ntok kire cntraction)
  • CTG
  • Enema
  • VE
  • urine catherization
  • amek darah..psg canula..iv line..smue2 lah.. =)
  • u must know where the store is n barang2 yg digunekan
~ini antara barang2 yang ade dlm labour room..~
get to noe all the things in the labour room..aku ingt lagi mase aku mule2 observe labour..DASAT!!!erghhh...seumo idop aku x pnh tgk darah bnyk smpai mcm tuh..situation time labour sgt la kelam kabut, nervous, terkejot..
midwife garang : "adek, amek cord clamp cpt!!!!!!"
aku berbisik di dlm hati : "cord clamp????bnde ape tuh.."
midwife garang : "adek da klua ni,,cpt!!!"
aku : "kat mne cord clamp tuh"
midwife garang : "dalam kotak tuh, bukak mate luas2!!!"
aku pon carik, "haaa jmpe pon"..akupon bukak la plastik cord clamp tuh..
bile bukak, aku nk pgg la cord clamp tu n nak kasi kat midwife..dgn tibe2 nye,
"hey, tu sterile laa,,memandai je engkau ni laa"
lohh..nk je aku ckp "buat sendiri je la makcik!!"
huh..mne aku taw die sterile ke x..cisss...
hell-oo, aku tgh bukak mate la nih, xkn tgh tido plak..haishh, serious blindly aku kne free2 je..kureng kawan2..better korg prepare diri korg..

p/s : so many things weyh..more long list to go..klo nk cite berjele2.. jgn harap kn lecture, tutorial and wordshop for this..sbb mest akan lambatnyer laa.. korg kne stdy sendri and gunekan mse Observe ntok tnyer MIDWIVES sebyk soklan yg mungkin..(carik midwives yg baek2 laa..nk tnyer yg grg2 pon buley je klo korg berani la kn)..hehe..aku kasi tips eyh..midwive yg makeup tebal2, yg bercelak warna warni tuhlaa yg grg..(bagi aku laa)..

tapi seriously, korg kne tahan telinge ngn midwife ni..kne sangat kuat..aku xtaw la nape dorg bersikap mcm tuh..seolah2 membenci para xtaw laa..ssh nk ckp! nnti korg face sndri la ek..1 lg psl midwife ni kan..korg jgn la melawan ckp dorg..dorg akan troz black list name korg..n ingt muke korg smpai bile2..mcm mak aku ckp,

" banyak bersaba je la, kite ni nk belaja..jgn simpan dlm hati ape yg dorg ckp @ maki..amek dan belaja bnde yang baek bnde yg x baek ketepikan"

Bukan nk ckp, bile dorg wat slah, kite senyap bermakna kite hanya membiarkan mereka membuat salah..bukan mcm tuh, klo korg nk komen atau tegor cara salah mereka, elokla korg wat dlm salur yg betol dgn tros kepada prof, doctor atau supervisor korg..jgn korg g carik NAHAS ngn midwive direct2 plak!! korg yg susah nnti..
For me, bnyk gk la aku kene ngan midwife..semue tak kene. Aku pon x fhm ahh...TAPI, bile time die nak mintak tolong..reti plak dorang ckp elok2.. "adek,,tlg amek kan akak syringe 10 ml".. "adek...tlg....bla bla bla" hurm, saba je la kan..wat to do..

Kalo korg nk tackle nurse kat ward plak..korg rajen2 la meng'offer'kn diri untuk wat TPR round..gerenti korg kamcheng nye la ngn nurse tuh..klo korg nk tnyer ape2 kat dorg pon..xdela dorg LOKEK sgt nk bagi taw info..same goes tu HO..korg kene rajen tlg dorg,..rajen clerk patient baru, rajen amek darah patient..dorg pon x lokek nanti..klo ade procedure best2 HO akan ajk korg wat..for 1st 2nd week nnti korg da bole wat VE n urine catherization..kan best tuh. Supervisor plak..naseb korg la dapat supervisor yg mane..ade dapat yg garang, ade yg dapat x garang, ade yang dapat yang busy sentiase, ade yang dapat yg rajen wat bed site teaching..ade yang mcm2 lagi laa..Dr Ixora, Prof Azlin, Prof Zainul suke wat bed site teaching..every week ade bed site je..ade yg xde langsung bed site teaching..mlg nyer~

kayla korang.. Very goodluck to u guys yang nak msok O&G posting.. best sebenanya O&G nieh.. tapi tuhlaa.. =) hehehehe kene kuat...

~gamba dalam labour room~
PEACE, no war ngn midwives keyh!! =D

byebye : hellow

Author: ctjuliana / Labels: , ,

Las Day Obstetric and Gynecology Posting..
17 July 2009
Good bye O&G
till see you again on 2011

Hellow to Surgery posting.. =))
i'll be missing O&G posting for sure.. =))

we celebrating our last O&G posting by
watching new Harry Potter movie
~BEST kali ni nye series~
looking forward for next twilight series pulak..
new moon :)


Author: ctjuliana / Labels: ,


i don't think so
"u jus thinking about it so much"
don't get me wrong

i wont complaining about O&G anymore

bcus, today is the las day
, so,
why should i??

i was happy for tat (big claps!!)

i was thinking about them, my two best buddies since i was in form four

They,Siti Aminah Hazwani Mohd Azlan, and Praveetha Balachanran..

Today, here, at dis moment, im not being emotional, im not being in wut so called "mengade"," show off", furthermore, dis is the way i express myself.. this is the place where i feel free, comfort to spend my time sit and reflect.

Back to the story, "why i was thinking about them?" Something has happened lately..( or i jus realized it now?)..Something has gone wrong lately..(or i i jus realized it now?)..

Im hurting both of them, And ofcos tat was the last thing i would do to them, "its quiet easy to say , but the fact is, sometimes u wont realized tat other people's heart might hurt for every single word you say, and every single action you do".. i was so lucky..

Lucky to have them with thousands reasons for tat..we were so closed..2 years in beseri tighten us in one relationship so called "friendship"..we used to share our stories, gossips, studies, foods, drinks, beds, clothes, everything..we used to laugh and cry together..

I still remember, still fresh in here all the things we had gone tru all these, we were far apart, everyone has their own commitment..but, its not an accepted reason for what has happened recently.. Im sorry, for wat has happened..i jus didnt realized tat u might hurt..

""Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?""

"so many times..whenever i need someone to talk..i jus cant, afraid u may not interested to it.. :)"

Its so true dear fren,.. its so true..

Im not being pathetic, this is the biggest guilt i ever felt in our friendship..i didnt mean to hide anything from you,Even too far for me to lie to you..believe me dear fren, " i wont change for one". If ever u feel tat way, please tell me in which part of it so tat i can reflect and realize..

Im not being defensive, for myself by writting this entry, Jus its important for me to let you noe tat, u are my bes friend dear fren..yes you are, since 4 years ago until now, u'r still be.. Sorry for making u feel tat way dear fren, u were jus concern about me..and i've made an early assumption, which drive me to hide from you..

~i missed our time dearly~
Listening to lifehouse, Disarray

chill 0out bebeh.. =D

Author: ctjuliana / Labels: , ,

Its saturday..
and im home..

banyak bnde yang aku buat arini..letey and gumbira!! =DD

1st : i had my sweet n sour jelly..strawberry flavour..sedap wo! lame x makan!!eheh..

saye dan adek : excited state

2nd : we had donuts for the "breakfast"..
~i used to buy all these menu, e v e r y t i m e !!..wondering why..hmmm~

3rd : its wedding day!! sepupuku kawen..chantek gile die!!..
(smue org kawen pon chantek..raja sehari la katekan)..
unfortunately, kamera ku kehabisan bateri..
so, banyak gamba dalam kamera maksu ku.. =(

she's (my cousin) 2 2..and married..wah..aku cm ne la plak ek!! 30 kot (tuenyer!!)..weee~

4th : ~taraa~
ni maksu ku..and, shes pregnant!!
shes, gravida 3 para 2..
currently at 14 weeks of pregnancy..
Membuatkan ku sangat E X C I T E D..
(macam aku lak yg pregnant!! =D)
for applying my Obstetric knowledge..
and of cos la perotnye menjadi mangsa untuk ku membuat physical examination..
tp obviously x dapat rse ape2..
kecik lagi kan..14 weeks only!!
x saba nk tggu perot maksu besa!!
he he he he

5th : Durian.Durian.Durian

D e l i c i o u s
"mak, nk makan durian ahh"

jangan memaen kitorg g carik durian kampung!
sampai hujung kampung kitorg g carik!!

"time kaseh mak"


Author: ctjuliana / Labels: FAILED
please LEAVE and call
the NEXT person to come in

short caseku sgt trok!! =''((
nervous + palpitation + mcm nk pengsan je tadi
Bende da lps pown..
cepatla habes..seminggu je lagi..
betol2 da x tahan
O&G sgt seronok..
tp there are certain part yang
saye x berkenan.. :)
yay..da habes short and long case..

failed?? l a n t a k l a h...
janji da habes

-listening to crazier, taylor swift-

My Life, My Story

Author: ctjuliana / Labels:

This is My Life, My Story
Outpouring Of My Emotions

~Tiada kaitan dengan sesiapa pon~


Listening to unbeautiful, by Lesley Roy

bermain dgn awan..=)

Author: ctjuliana / Labels:

~tika dinihari, mestika~Smiley Faces


Author: ctjuliana / Labels:

i feel lil bit different.."why?"
one of my fact, she is my groupmate..
she was found to be collapse early dis morning..
prof "Z" seeking all over to find my superviser, Dr. "N"..
pity of her..after had about 2 days sleepless nights,
struggling to finish up her case write ups, struggling to finish up deliveries,her body and mind cant stand anymore..
i feel so sad when i heard tat news..suddenly i feel lost..

Dis evening, when i was on the way going back hostel,
while waiting for the lift to come up and lift me down to ground floor,
i stood up, stare, and standing emptiness for a moments..

"why am i here?"..

"because u are in ur way to be a doctor"

"why is it so hard?"


"oww..oww..u got no answer for tat"Smiley Faces

i heard the lift "ting"ing..
but i had no intention to get in into the lift..
i just dont noe why,
but i just i didnt know how to take a steps anymore..

"Dr. siti, u gonna just standing there n look blindly to the stainless lift, isnt it?"

one familiar voices that successfully brought me up to the reality..

i was just "haaaaa?"..

"u looked so tired, go back n have a rest" - Dr."P".. i do admire him~

walking alone to my hostel..
i was thinking of "her", my colleague..
pity her..
wish her to be better soon..

i feel so tired..
tired for all these things..
dem tired, but yet..still long way to go..

never..never in my mind before,
to be a doctor is this hard....